Thursday, January 31, 2008

I John 5:14-15

1/31/08
I John 5:14-15 "And this is the confidence that we have before him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us.  And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests we have asked of him."

I have stayed home from work the last 3 days due to a reaction to the Zeloda medication.  I was feeling a tightness in my chest, anxious thoughts, and shortness of breath.  My doctors have decided to remove me from this medication, and I have started feeling much better.  As you know, this medication is part of the plan to shrink the tumors.  I am safe to take the infusions, so I will be taking the second one on Friday.  Continue to pray that this will be sufficient, that there will be no more tumors when I have the scan.

Last night, I had to continue to turn all  my thoughts over to the Lord.  Finally, I got this short prayer to pray each time I felt doubt....."Thank you, Lord, for healing me".

That's it......thank him for the outcome even when you don't see now it will happen. 

I thank you always for your support and especially your prayers.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Phillippians 4:5-7

1/28/08
Phillippians 4:5-7. "The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

When you have chemo, the second or third day can be your worst. I felt good on Saturday but on Sunday started feeling symptons of fatigue and a queasy stomach. I had a slight pressure in my chest, which almost made me anxious when thinking of the heart spasm that I had last year which resulted in my stroke. Then I remembered what the Lord told me last week, that the chemo was for my good, to give me life. This was such a comfort to me, that I almost instantly felt a calmness and a feeling of well-being. Phil 4:5-7 is exactly what I experienced, we are told to not be anxious about anything, and let God's peace guard our hearts and minds.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Psalm 34

1/26/08
Psalm 34:4-10  "I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears.  Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.  The poor man cried, and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all his troubles.  The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them. Oh, taste and see the the Lord is good!  Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints for those who fear him have no lack!  The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing."

This is probably my most favorite Psalm.  I go to it when I feel troubled, and it has never let me down. How could it when God promises to deliver us out of all our afflictions, to be near us when we are brokenhearted, and hears our cry for help!

I felt all your prayers yesterday, and came through the infusions without a worry.  I was so relaxed I even fell asleep for awhile listening to my Ipod full of worship music.  It was rather lengthly for the first day.  My appointment was for 12:30 and they got me started about 12:45 with a drip that helps nausea, and then one with benedryl.  I had two separate drips.  One is called Cetuximab which attacks the tumor and shrinks it.  One of the side effects can be an acne-like rash that usually shows up on the face.  The nurse said that this side effect has been said by many people as an indicator that the drug is working.  I say, "bring on the rash!!" The second infusion is called Irinotecan which is the chemo drug.  I was on the one for 1 1/2 hours.   It went by quickly even though it was after 4:30 when I got through. The side effects can be numerious, but when I woke up this morning, I felt really good.  Throughout the day I have continued to feel good, only a slight feeling of nausea that went away when I ate.  I have to be good about drinking at least 8- 8oz of water each day and to have more protein than I might normally want.  The water is a way to flush the drugs from my body along with the dead cells, both good and bad, that chemo attacks.

Along with the chemo infusions which I will receive each week, I am taking the chemo drug Zeloda which I take by mouth twice a day for 14 days then off for 7 days and then repeat for 14 more days. This is the same drug that I was on last summer, but this time my dosage is higher. The side effects that I had was fatigue, diarrhea, and thinning of the hair.

 I can just see it now, I have this to look forward to:  A slightly balding woman with acne running like a sprinter to the bathroom.  Lordly, Lordly, help me!

My doctors name is Dr. Harshita Paripati, a sweet lady from India (I think). She is very gentle and a very caring person.  She is backed up by Dr Fitch who is head of oncology at the Scottsdale Mayo Clinic.  I like the way Mayo has a team of doctors who talk about your case and come to a collective conclusion as to how your care should progress. They call it, "taking it to the board."

Dr Paripati has me on a schedule of 6 weekly infusions plus the Zeloda, then I will be off any chemo for two weeks then a repeat of my scan.  During this time, she is looking for the tumor to detach itself from the wall of my uthera, which is close to the bladder.  In order for me to have surgery to remove the tumor, this has to happen.  She said the only way to rid myself of the tumor is to have the surgery.  Sometime during the next six weeks she will schedule an appointment with the surgeon and radiology.

Ok, so this is the doctors plan.  You all know that I believe God is my healer.  Even though the doctor wants the tumor to shrink, I am praying that the tumor disappears. I love the example in Daniel 3 when Shadrack, Meshach, and Abednego declared to those who were about the throw them into the fiery furnace, "our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O King. But if not, be it known to you O King that we will not serve your god. "  We know the story and that they were thrown into the furnace but came out alive, not even smelling of the fire, when those who threw them in were burnt up because of the intensity of the fire.  Why did I give this example, we all have a fiery furnace of sorts and the Lord will deliver us in his time and in his perfect way.  Even if they had died in the fire, their faith was in the one who gives life.  Oh, by the way, don't overlook the fact that those looking into the furnace from a safe distance, saw 4 men walking around in the furnace not 3, and the appearance of the fourth was like a son of the gods. God is with us, no matter the outcome, and he will be with me whether he chooses to do nothing, shrink the tumor for surgery, or totally remove it from my body.

Thanks be to God for his love and grace.


Friday, January 25, 2008

Psalm 55:22

1/25/08Today is the first day of my new chemo treatments and I wanted to start with thanking each of you for your prayers. How you have blessed me!!! I was brought to tears this last year, not with my circumstances, but with the knowledge of how many of you were praying for me. Some of you do not know me personally, this side of heaven, but we are linked by God's love and grace.

I chose Psalm 55:22 for today from a devotional by John Piper titled "Pierced by the Word. This is what he says: God Pledges to Carry Our Burdens Psalm 55:22, "Cast your burden on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved." The word "burden" here is lot. What is your lot in life today? What has providence brought you? In the end, this is of the Lord. And He will carry it for you. It is not meant to crush you or carry you away. It is meant to test your trust in God to carry it for you.

I admit that I have been dreading chemo. Some of you know that I only had one chemo treatment last year when a blood clot stopped me short, then a stroke. My doctors at Mayo have determined that I was allergic to the type of chemo that I was given. I will be receiving a different chemo and I am on a blood thinner so the chances of the same thing happening is slim. But I know the side effects of chemo and this is what I have been dreading. However, God is so good and this is what happened yesterday: I was at work, between phone calls, when I felt what I call a "God hug". If you have ever felt this, you know what I mean, it is an unmistakable warmth that lights you up with an almost electric feeling, and instantly I felt these words comfort my soul, "Gwen, do no fear this chemo, it is for you to give you life, not to harm you. You will be well, trust in Me." From that moment on, I have been looking forward to today, to this first chemo treatment.

I will try to write each day. Again, I thank you for your prayers!!!