Psalm 55:22

Psalm 55:22. "Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved."

I have to admit, that I had to look up Psalm 55:22 because I could not remember the verse. The Lord lead me to this verse the first day that I started my blog, and it has been my identity since then. We all have burdens, but it is what we do with them that defines us. Those who call upon the name of Jesus as their Lord and Savior have the assurance that we are never alone, but sometimes we have a hard time with that truth. Sometimes we need to walk through tough times to see just how much he loves us. The "world" would say that if he loved us, he would not allow bad things to happen, but that is just not true. Even Psalm 55:22 sounds as if he would not allow this to happen, but this is written for those who have given their life to Jesus. I am not righteous. I am a sinner but because I have given my life to Jesus, he says that I am righteous. It is his righteousness, not mine.

So much as happened since I last posted my blog. It was decided that it would be in my best interest to not have any more chemo....at least for awhile. Chemo had worked really well for me and I responded well, but I was told from the beginning that this could change. The combination of weight loss from surgery and chemo has left me very weak but I am slowly getting better. The last time I wrote in my blog, chemo had brought my tumor marker down to about 60, but since I cannot have chemo right now, the marker has gone up to 135, which is a all-time high for me.

My prayer requests:

That I will daily turn all my burdens over to the Lord.

I ask for strength in my right hip area because I sometimes have a hard time walking.

Weight gain....I would love to gain 20-25 lbs. Pray for an appetite.

Pray that the tumors are contained and do not spread. I have tumors in my right colin area and in my lungs.

Praise:

My surgeons told me in Feb of this year that a CAT scan showed what they termed a "mass" located near the intestine and colin, where the tumors are located. I was told that it could be tumors that are breaking down. They advised if surgery was performed it could be very risky. The decision was made to not do anything at that time. I actually forgot about it until about a month ago. In a week's time, I had an area on my right hip that became inflamed and was very painful. What happened next is something I refer to as a "God thing". The mass started draining from the inflamed area. The doctors could not explain the drainage but I knew that the Lord had chosen to rid my body of these toxins. I still have some drainage but I think of it as a good thing.

Thank you for praying for me.

James 5:20:13-15

James 5:20:13-15. Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise.Is anyone among you sick?.....And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up.

I have been unable to have chemo for a long time now. I had one chemo infusion about 6 weeks ago and was blessed to have my tumor marker drop 30 points, but since then my potassium levels have been too low. The reason is that I have diarrhea daily and cannot keep the fluids in my body. I also have the problem of not being hungry and have lost too much weight. Last time I lost 15 lbs in one week after chemo, most being fluids. I do not have the weight to allow that much weight loss. I have some precious friends who are bringing meals over and that helps me so much, but I seem to be very tired around dinner time and do not have the energy to even eat! I never thought that I would have this problem since I have always needed to loose a few pounds. I need to have chemo. Please pray for chemo, tomorrow, I am scheduled for Wed June 9. Please pray for my health and energy so that I can go back to work in August. I have been home too long, it is time for getting back to a normal life!!

Chemo scheduled for Wed. Thank you for praying!

I still believe in the healing hand of the Lord, and look forward to that day when I am told that the tumors have disappeared. Pray with me, please.

I Thessalonians 5:9

I Thessalonians 5:9. "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."

First of all, a praise. I was in the hospital last weekend, facing a procedure that I was told was necessary, but was risky. No one wants a needle near the heart pulling out fluid. All I could do was trust in the Lord and I had to turn my fears over to him. My EKG on Friday showed a build-up of fluid and the doctor wanted me to go that very minute to the hospital for the procedure. I was not expecting that and asked the doctor if I could wait until Sunday. My son, Beau. was leaving on Saturday to go to New Zealand and I wanted to be with him until then. After promising that I would go immediately if I started feeling faint or dizzy, he agreed. Well. the ER doctor told me after a CAT scan that waiting was a good idea. He didn't see the need to rush. I had another EKG on Monday morning and the doctor was a little confused, he did not see an amazing amount of fluid that was there on Friday, some was there but not enough to have the procedure. I was released that afternoon with only 24 hours in the hospital!!

I had been overly anemic and required 4 bags of blood to bring up my red blood cells. (Thank you if you give blood, it really does save lives!) I was also given other nutrients and fluids. What a blessing!!!

Even though I should be healthier, I start chemo tomorrow, it will last for 2 hours and starts at 10:30 am.

Prayer requests:

1) That I will tolerate the chemo

2) That I do not loose more weight, this usually comes in the form of diarrhea

3) I would like to gain weight and need prayer to want to eat

4) I need to drink plenty of fluids, this can be hard

5) I still have pain from my surgery and now have fluid buildup in my ankles

Thank you for all your kind messages and support. It means so much to me!

Thank you, Lord, for healing me!!

Hebrews 4:16

Hebrews 4:16. "Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."

I had an EKG on Friday which revealed that I have fluid around my heart as well as some fluid in my lungs. I have never had fluid in my lungs but have had the fluid around my heart, which got better with medication. That was 4 years ago. This time, the doctor wants me to go the the hospital and have the fluid removed. I don't know the exact procedure but I do know that it is done with a needle to draw out the fluid. I am not sure how the fluid in the lungs is removed.

I will go to the emergency room today to check in but do not know when the procedure will be done. I was told to expect to be in the hospital for about 3 days.

An update on my intestinal surgery: The surgery was more complicated than expected. I was in the hospital for about 6 weeks. The doctors were unable to go through with the micro surgery because there was too much scar tissue, so they had to open up my long incision wound. A few days after surgery, I was back in again because I was not healing due to a leakage, so I was opened up again. Part of the first surgery was to bring out my intestion on the outside of my body and I wore a bag to collect the waste, this is called a stoma. This was to give my body a chance to rest, but this procedure did not work on me. My body was producing too much liquid and was causing me to become dehydrated. I should have had the stoma for a few months but instead my doctor made the decision to remove it, which meant that I had 3 surgery's in 6 weeks. I had been unable to eat due to the pain it caused. I lost about 25 pounds during that time and have gained back only a few pounds. I have lost my appetite and most foods do not taste good to me. I cannot imagine that this has happened to me because I love to eat!!

I am still in pain on a daily basis and take a time released pain medication plus additional stronger medication as needed. Since I am in such pain and need to gain weight, my chemo has been on hold since January. My last blood work showed that my tumor level is at 92, my highest ever and the small tumors in my lungs have gotten larger. I have 5 tumors that have grown. The same chemo that I have been getting also works on the lungs. I need to feel better so that I can go back to chemo. I would appreciate your prayers and thank you to those who pray for me daily.

Thank you, Lord, for healing me.

Psalm 63:7-8

Psalm 63:7-8. "...for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me."

God is so good. I had a wonderful Christmas and it was not until Dec 27 that I started to feel bad again with the same symptoms of intestinal blockage that put me in the hospital in September. This time, it would not go away and I have been in pain most of that time up until now. I have been able to eat much of anything since this began and even drinking water has hurt my stomach. I was in the hospital last week for a few days and actually saw the same doctors and surgical team as before. The doctors have been wonderful and have not pushed me to have surgery but I know that if I do not have surgery, this problem will continue. I thought that if I would stay on a Low Residue diet for awhile it would give my intestine time to heal, but I was wrong, diet will not heal this problem. I also now understand what this diet really is and I am not willing to stay forever on what I call a "White Bread and Jello Diet". It is very unhealthy and is not good for me.

I am scheduled for surgery tomorrow, Jan 20. Surgery time is 2:30-3:00 pm. My doctor, Dr Gray, is a Oncology Surgeon and has done this procedure many times. They will start with a camera to see if they can see what is causing the problem and hopefully correct it without major surgery. Even though I have had several CAT scans and it appears that scar tissue from my first surgery in 2007 is the problem, they cannot be sure until they see it. Please pray that this will be an easy surgery so that I can get back to chemo and the real reason behind my health problems. I am on hold for chemo for at least 4 weeks.

I am thankful to each of you who remember me and pray for me. I want you to know how precious this is and how much I depend on your intercession for me. My trust is in the Lord. Thank you, Lord, for healing me.

Exodus 15:2

Exodus 15:2. "The Lord is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation."

I started on round 2 of chemo therapy yesterday and will have weekly chemo for 4 weeks. This last round was very successful. My tumor marker started out at 46.6 on Sept 16, then down to 28.9 on Oct 13 and finally down to 25 on Nov 2. I pray that this round will continue the trend of at least 4-5 points per session. God is so good and I give Him all the praise!!

It is true that He is my strength. I could not imagine not having His daily encouragement. He works not only through his word but through you. Thank you for your words of encouragement and for remembering to pray for me.

I am scheduled for another stint replacement on Dec 15. My test results a few weeks ago showed the stints are working perfectly and that my kidney is back to normal.

I started physical therapy this week to strengthen my leg muscles. I had a hard time when I had the tube in my side, so much so that my right leg ached with a burning sensation most of the time. Now that the tube is out, I am getting better each week but I still have times when my leg aches, so the therapy will surely help.

I am so thankful to have this time off from work to have time to heal. I have only praises for how this has worked out for me.

Thank you, Lord, for healing me.

Psalm 8:9-10

Psalm 8:9-10 "The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you."

I am so thankful to my Lord for being my stronghold. He is my strength. I have friends ask me all the time how I do it. How do I stand in the face of this oppression called cancer. Well, the answer is easy. It is not my strength but the Lord's. Isaiah 40:28-31 says it perfectly for me "....the Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. (Now pay attention...this is it!!!) He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."

I love the word picture of "mounting up with wings like eagles". Can you imagine what your problems would look like if you could soar above them like an eagle? What we see as big and insurmountable up close can actually look like a small piece of the puzzle from afar. All we need is a new perspective. We need the Lord because he is the one who renews our strength and then we can" run and not be weary and walk and not faint".

I feel like I have been running this past year . I have been working full time but beginning to having a hard time taking care of myself. Life got a little harder back in May when my right kidney became inflamed. About this time, my chemo dosage was strengthened when it was discovered that I was not getting a full dose. I have never had a problem with chemo that a few days rest would not cure, but this time was different. It really drained me and I lost my hair again. My body seemed to be in a lot of stress and not getting better. My stints were not draining and chemo was put on hold until my kidney started functioning better. I had a tube inserted in my side to drain the kidney. What should have been one month of the tube in my kidney turned into over 4 months. Just after the tube came out, I was in the emergency room on Labor Day weekend with severe pain in my right side. What I assumed to be the kidney acting up again turned out to be a blocked intestine from scar tissue that happened when I had surgery 4 years ago. I was in the hospital 4 days but back again 2 days later with the same problem. Surgery was considered but, thankfully, the intestine cleared again and I was told to eat soft foods for at least 10 days so the intestine could heal. For those of you who know I prefer a high-fiber- no sugar diet this was and continues to be hard. I have warning signs every so often that I need to be careful but at least I know what to do now. After the 2nd time returning home from the hospital, I became concerned that I needed more time to heal . I made an appointment with my oncologist, Dr Parapati and we again discussed chemo. She had wanted me to have chemo weekly but I had nixed that idea in May because it would have been difficult to miss one day of work a week for chemo then the possibility of not feeling good the other days. All this being said, we decided the best option for me would be to take FMLA leave and concentrate on getting well. This is what I am doing now. I am not working but am taking chemo every Wednesday. The schedule will have me taking chemo for 4 weeks then off 2 weeks. I have been told that the side-effects are cumulative and will increase each week. I already know that I am tired most of the time and I am never far away from taking a nap. I am not bored, and have so much to do. My newest grandson, Judah, was born on September 20 and is doing well. Britain is now 2 and such a joy!!! I feel blessed to have the time to take care of myself and look forward to a complete healing.

I want to thank each of you for your prayers. You are such a blessing to me.