Psalm 84

Psalm 84.  "How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord of hosts! My soul longs, yes, faints for the courts of the Lord, my heart and flesh sing for joy to the living God....Blessed are those who dwell in your house, ever singing your praise!....Blessed are those whose strength is in you....They go from strength to strength...For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere...blessed is the one who trusts in you."

My trust is in the Lord, especially when I do not get the news from the doctors that I had been hoping for.  I had a CAT scan on Tuesday, and also saw my oncologist, Dr Parapatti.  She confirmed that the tumor had grown slightly but her major concern for me at this time is that my right kidney was enlarged, about 4 times as large as normal.  Last month when I had the stint replacement, it was normal.  There are no clear answers right now as to why the infection happened.  I saw my urology doctor yesterday and had a catheter inserted, which will be in place until Monday when I will have an ultra sound.  I am also taking a very strong antibiotic and I feel 100% better today than yesterday . This is good news because if I had not responded to treatment, other measures would have to happen.  I pray this clears up soon.

It is important to have good kidney function for chemo.  This is the way the body filters out the drugs and cleanses the body.  I look forward to chemo because this is how my tumor level got to normal in March of this year.  Chemo worked even though one of the drugs was found not compatible for me, through a new blood test.   This time I will have the one drug that did work, plus a new one.  

So, I wait for Monday and look forward to a good report.  I can tell you that if I did not know the Lord and rely on His strength, I would not be able to make it through some days without being in utter despair. 

John 16:32

John 16:32. ".....Yet I am not alone, for the Father is with me."

I had surgery today to replace the stint in my urethera.  The urologist replaced the stint with a metal one that will not need replacement for a year.  The one that I had needed replacement every 4-6 months, so this is much better.  It is also better because the tumor is pushing against this area, and the old plastic one stood the chance of being pushed in and not allow the kidney to transport the toxins out of my body.  With upcoming chemo, this is very important.

This is my 3rd stint and the procedure is becoming routine for me.  I could not drive myself so I had a ride there and back home ,but no one was at the hospital while I was having this procedure.  I want to share a comforting thing that happened while I was alone in my room, waiting to go into surgery.  I was prepped and ready.  My door was open and I could see the hallway.  I saw a woman being escorted to surgery and behind her walked her aging husband, who was going with her as far as he could.  I began to have feelings of sadness at being alone, and it was at that time I shared how I was feeling with the Lord.  I know that he knows all this but I needed to pray about it.  As I was praying and talking to God about how I felt, instantly, I felt this "electric" feeling of light cover my body.   This has happened to me before, and I know it is the Lord.  During this time, all feelings of despair and sorrow vanished.  I know that my room was alive with his spirit.  I do not cry easily or often about my health.  But what does bring me to tears is someone saying they are praying for me and times such as this when I know that I not alone.  Well...my eyes teared up and I wanted to let go and let it all out in the beauty of what I had just felt. Then I realized that if the doctors or nursing staff came in and saw me bawling my eyes out, they they would rightly assume that I was very upset about surgery. Then I saw the humor in my ridiculous behavior and had a good laugh at myself while wiping away my tears of joy.

We are not alone, ever.  No manner the circumstance.  God is with us.  I have a relationship with the Lord and I talk with him throughout the day .  I have times of "formal" prayer but mostly I just talk to him all day.  I cannot imagine going through this cancer without him.  I can only imagine, with heartfelt sympathy, what the thoughts are of those who have not accepted Jesus as their saviour.  He promised before his crucification that when he left this earth, that he would send a helper to those who believe, which is the Holy Spirit.  "Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you?" (I Cornthians 3:16) 

Accept Jesus as your savior and you will never be alone.

Ephesians 6:16

Ephesians 6:16.  "In all circumstances, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one."

This verse is very important to every Christian because we are reminded that in ALL circumstances, faith will get us through.  The question is, faith in what?  Verse 10 says, "..be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might."  Again, it is not our strength that gets us through tough times, it is our complete dependance on the Lord. We all need to remember, but not be afraid of verse 11, "Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.  For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." 

This last verse can be confusing but it is there to let us know that there are forces that are against us, which is the opposite of God who is for us.  Evil exists and it hates us the opposite of how God loves us. Evil wants us to deny God.  It masks itself so that we blame God and are mad at him when it was not his doing.  What in the world was that last sentence about?

Read for yourself Job 1:6-12.  This verse is the reason for the book of Job which has been called the most depressing book in the bible.  We are told that Satan was before the throne of God (yes, he was then and is today) God ALLOWS Satan to test Job, but God is not the one who does the evil.  Job looses everything but his life.  Even his "friends" say to curse God and die.  Job was tempted but in the end praises God.  The last paragraph in this book says that in the end the Lord restores Job's fortune and his health, and "Job died, an old man, and full of days".

I know that God did not give me cancer, but he has allowed it.  Am I upset or mad at God for this?  May it never be so!  Cancer has brought he even closer to him.  We were made so that we can love him.  Heaven will be, well... heaven, because we are with the one who loves us dearly and the way we go through life here on earth will bless us when we see him face to face.  Our reward for our trials.  I do not want to be one who deserts the only one that will give me relief.

Back to Ephesians 6.  My pastor of 20 years would refer to this passage as the "most misunderstood" passage in the bible.  There really are "spiritual forces of evil" but there are also angels who's jobs are to minister to us.  The whole point of what I am saying today is what my pastor said about Ephesians 6 and it is this:  Satan attacks us in two ways:  Affliction and/or deception.  If we do not know what God says, do not read the bible, do not pray, Satan can easily deceive us.  He is also the one who can cause affliction, in other words, can afflict our health.  This is why I know without a doubt, my cancer is not from God, it is from Satan.  Think about cancer.  It hides in the dark and grows without our being aware of it, until for many, it is too late.  It is death. It is fear.  Just as cancer is death, so is Satan.  He does not want anyone to believe God.  Verse 13-17 tells us how to resist Satan.

One last thing.  I had a hard time understanding "spiritual forces" and could not get a handle on what was being said until I read a Christian fiction book by Frank Peretti called "This Present Darkness".  I suggest this book.  See for yourself, but read it as fiction, using the Bible as the foundation for truth. 

Nehemiah 8:10

Nehemiah 8:10  ".....the joy of the Lord is your strength."

"The joy of the Lord is your strength"......how wise.  Wisdom comes from knowing where our strength comes from.  Instead of being dependent on ourselves we need to put our trust in someone other than ourself. Our trust cannot be in our bank accounts, our beauty, talent or even our spouse.  "The Lord is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation....", (Exodus 15:2.)  He is my song.  When I sing, I am joyful.  I do not have a care in the world when I have a song in my heart.  When I sing, I put my anxious thoughts away.  How this must please the Lord! I for one need to remember this when I let everyday worries into my thoughts.  

Once again I am reminded of all this in Matthew 6:31-34.  "Therefore, do not be anxious, saying, "What shall we drink?' or what shall we wear?' ....and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.  But seek first the kingdom  of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.  Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.  Sufficient for the day it its own trouble."

In our economy and the fear that comes with falling housing prices, increased living expenses, the threat of the loss of  our jobs, war and the uncertainty of our country and the world, now more that ever, we need a clear prospective about the Lord and his kingdom. Seek him first.  Turn all your anxiety upon him, and then trust that he will put a song into your heart.  Joy in the mist of troubles.

I have only shared my thoughts on my cancer, but there are other areas of my life that I have been praying for, one being where I live.  In January of 2007, I had planned on buying a home but all that came to a standstill when I was admitted to the emergency room with what I thought was stomach flu, but was really cancer of the colin.  Instead of looking for a house, I needed to find a place to live for what I thought was 6 months until I made a recovery of my health.  Those 6 months has turned into a year and a half.  I have been thankful for this space, but it is not my home.  I started looking for a home to buy this year, but obstacles of every kind seemed to have been put in my way.  I could not understand how I could loose out to someone else each time a contract was submitted. I finally set a goal of moving out by this Nov 1, even if it would be a rental house.  Why do I mention this, and what does it have to do with the Lord? The answer is everything.  The answer is that the Lord had something better in mind.  The answer is that he is able to do far more abundantly than all we ask or think. (Ephesians 3:20)

In this housing market, God lead me to call on an add in the paper. It lead me to a man by the name of Albert and his wife Esther.  A man who loves the Lord.  Albert is 80 and has owned many of the homes on his block.  This is the last home to sell, and he wants to get his estate in order for his son.  Albert reminds me of my dad.  Honest and old fashioned and he does business the way it was done years ago when your word was your bond. I have prayed that God would lead me to someone who was praying for their house to sell, just as I was praying for a house to buy.  Albert and I are working out the details and I trust that all this is from the Lord.  It reminds me of the many times that I have wanted to go to MY plan B, C, or D....but God says, "wait a minute, look at my Plan A."  He is never late to answer and always on time.

I believe that God brought Albert into my life and that he is doing what a real estate agent and mortgage consultant could not accomplish.  I believe that he is into all the details of my life.  I believe that he is my physician and healer and that I have nothing to fear or be anxious about.  What a blessing! 

I am scheduled for the following appointments:

Oct 16     Surgery for a stint replacement (This is my 3rd...stints need replacement every 4-6                       months)

Oct 20     Cardiology appointment with Dr Mookadam regarding the fluid around my heart

Nov 18     CAT scan

                  Oncology appointment with Dr Paripati which will determine if or when I begin                             chemo

I am beginning to talk about this cancer as "this pesky cancer".  I am hopeful that the Lord will heal me soon so that I can get on with more important things such as decorating my new home.  Not really, this is not the most important thing, just a thing of joy for me.  The "most important thing" is my witness to God's strength in our times of need and in our everyday life.  He has blessed me with a way through this cancer and will help anyone who asks for help..no manner the request.

Thank you for your support and especially your prayers!

Psalm 112:1,7

Psalm 112:1,7.  "Praise the Lord!  Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who greatly delights in his commandments." "He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord."

I had my appointment today with my oncologist, Dr Parapati.  The CAT scan showed that the tumor on the uriter is still there and has grown slightly from a 1.6 to 2.2 and my tumor level is at 11.  This is elevated from January which was the highest at 8.8.  With chemo this level went down to close to 3. (under 3 is acceptable for anyone) She has decided to wait and repeat the scan in 6 weeks because the tumor is not out of control.  Blood tests have shown that one of the chemo drugs that I had last time is not effective for me, so she will combine the one that did work with another one.  Depending on the next scan, I will start chemo around 2 months from now and will be on a bi-weekly schedule. 

Since I went "out on a limb" with my last blog and said that I believed God has healed me, please not think that I am disappointed about today.  The timing is all his, I am only saying that I believe I have been healed.  Whether that will occur today, tomorrow, or in the future it is all the same to me.  I feel that is is an easy thing to state the obvious after it has happened but I wanted to state a fact before it happens.  Call it trust.  Hope.  Faith.  Endurance.  It does not matter, just the fact that it will happen with his grace.  Nothing has changed about the way I feel.

I can see much to be thankful for; although I have been praying for total healing I have also prayed that the cancer would not spread to other areas, and it has not.  I am thankful that I know that I have cancer, because I can ask for prayer in this specific area, and continued prayer that the cancer does not spread.

Thank you for your prayers!

2 Chronicles 16:12

2 Chronicles 16:12.  ".....Yet even in his disease he did not seek the Lord, but sought help from the physicians."

Matthew 6:33.  "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."

Matthew 6:25.  "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life........Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?"

Matthew 7:7.  "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be given to you."

Matthew 8:1-3.  "....And behold a leper came to him and said, "Lord, if you will, you can make me clean."  And Jesus stretched out his hand and touched him, saying, "I will, be clean."

Matthew 8:13. "And to the centurion Jesus said, "Go, let it be done for you as  you have believed."

Matthew 9:28-29. "When he (Jesus) entered the house, the blind men came to him, and Jesus said to them, "Do you believe that I am able to do this?  They said to him, "Yes, Lord."  Then he touched their eyes, saying "According to your faith be it done to you."  And their eyes were opened."

Matthew 9:20-22.  "And behold, a woman who has suffered from a discharge of blood for twelve years came up behind him and touched the fringe of his garment, for she said to herself, "If I only touch his garment, I will be made well."  Jesus turned and seeing her, he said, "Take heart, daughter, your faith has made you well."

Hebrews 11:1 and 6.  "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.  And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him."

Jeremiah 29:11-14.  "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Then you will call upon me, and come and pray to me, and I will hear you.  You will seek me and find me.  When you  seek me with all your heart, I will be found by you, declares the Lord...."

God promises that he is with us.  He is willing to answer our prayers but we must do our part.  We must believe and trust that he is able to do what he says.  He has plans for us, for wholeness.  He says, "Let it be done to you as you have believed."  He also has said, "You have not, because you asked not."  He wants us to seek him with all our heart about whatever we need.

As you know, I have been asking for healing and I believe that God heals.  I believe like the Centurion that Jesus only needs to say the word, and I am healed.  I believe that God gives good things to those who ask him.  I believe that he has plans for me.  I believe that he has healed me.

I have a CAT scan on Wednesday and an oncology appointment on Thursday.  I have given all this to him and wait with hope for his answer.

Matthew 6:33

Matthew 6:33.  "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."

I have been meditating on this verse in which we are to "seek first the kingdom of God".  This may be one of the most important concepts of a Christians walk with the Lord.  We are reminded to love the Lord with all our heart and with all our our soul and with all our might. (Deuteronomy 6:5).  Why?  Because this is a relationship.  It is not "one sided".  God is real, not just a comforting thought.  He loves us more than we can ever imagine.  If our relationship with him only exists to get our prayers answered, then is this really a relationship? The first part of Matthew 6 has God reminding us that life if more important than "things." He knows all that we need, and he wants us to seek his kingdom first.  In doing so, we gain insight into what is important.  If we keep our thoughts on him, then he will add more to our life than we can ever think or imagine.

He has given us all we need to know him in his word..the Bible.  It is easy to read but not understand so this is why we have the invitation in James 1:5 to seek his kingdom. "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him."

When I was a new christian, I struggled with understanding the bible, until I read that verse in James.  It was like a light going on in my head.  God knew what I needed before I did.  Wisdom. He says to ask and it will be given.  He will never keep wisdom from anyone who asks.

I am thankful for Matthew 6:33.   This verse puts into perspective my health problems.  God knows my prayers but he wants me to seek him first.....to keep my eyes on him.  He will take care of the rest. That is a promise!

Romans 5:1-5

Romans 5:1-5.  "Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.  Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.  More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."

We can look at this passage this way:

  We are justified by faith,

  and we have peace with God

  through Jesus Christ.

   We have access by faith

    into grace.

 We rejoice in hope 

    of God's glory.

   We rejoice in our sufferings

    knowing that,

          suffering produces endurance,

               endurance produces character

                    character produces hope.

  Hope does not put us to shame,

  because God's love has been poured into our hearts,

  through the Holy Spirit

  who has been given to us.

The most peaceful, faithful, gracious, joyful and hopeful people I know are the ones who have gone through painful experiences and have come out on the other side to praise God and give him all the glory.  We must try to see life's challenges as the way to deepen our faith through hope in the Lord, not in ourselves.

                                       

Psalm 119:49-50

Psalm 119: 49-50.  "Remember your word to your servant, in which you have made me hope.  This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life."

David is a perfect example of how we are to seek God.  Many times we are told that we do not have because we do not ask.  Not David.  He asks, he seeks, he knocks (Matthew 7:7-11)  And he keeps on asking until the answer comes.  He knows who to ask because he knows God's law and his precepts.  It has been said of David that he is a man seeking after God's own heart.  What if we  would do the same thing?  What if we kept God's word in our heart and believed ALL of his promises?  Would our lives be different?  God answers this question in Jeremiah 29:13, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart".  All your heart.  What would that look like?  Many times it is in our desperation that we seek God with all our hearts. Have you ever heard it say that in the worst of times there is good to be found?  Unless you know the Lord, you may not understanding the full meaning of this statement.  In fact, to those who do not know him, it may seem foolish.

David's life was being threatened from those who hated him.  He pleaded with God and asked that he might be saved.  Psalm 119 is the longest psalm in the bible,  and there is desperation in his words.  This is how we pray when we are at the end of ourselves, when we know with no doubting that we are petitioning the only one who can give us help...our Lord.

I do not have the problems of King David, but I understand David's petition .I believe that we are to go to the throne of the living God with our requests and that we are to seek after God's own heart. My trust is in God, who answered the faithful of the old testament and still answers us today.

Hebrews 11:6

Hebrews 11:6.  "And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him."

Hebrews 11 goes on to say that by faith Noah built an ark when warned by God concerning events yet to come (the flood).  By faith, Abraham obeyed God as he was called from his homeland to go to the land of promise for an inheritance that included a son born to himself and his wife Sarah when they were well past the age of having children. On and on the verse speaks of the faith of Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, David... and many more. Verse 33-34.."who through faith conquered kingdoms, enforced justice, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, quenched the power of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, were made strong out of weakness, became mighty in war, put foreign armies to flight."

I wonder if today you or I would have the honor of being on that list? No one is exempt from a life of uncertainty or heartache. When troubles come do we depend on ourselves for the answer or just hope the situation gets better? I would love to say that I always know what to do, but in truth, I do not.....but I know who does. I know where my faith lies and it is best summed up in the book of Joshua in verse 24:14-15, "Now therefore fear the Lord and serve him in sincerity and in faithfulness...choose this day whom you will serve....but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."

My life is full of the unknown but I trust the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob to guide me along the narrow path to righteousness.  Hebrews 12:1 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and every sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith." 

Romans 8:24-25

Romans 8:24-25.  "....now hope that is seen is not hope.  For who hopes for what he sees?  But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience."

The word "hope" for a Christian translates into the word "faith."  We hope for what we do not see.  In this hope, our faith is not in ourselves but in the one who loves us more than we can ever imagine.  This type of hope never fails because it is based on the character of our Lord.  He is the perfecter of our faith. Hebrews 12:2 says,  "looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."  The right hand of the throne of God is the most honored place and this is where Jesus is seated.  Our faith is centered in Jesus and thus our hope is grounded in His love.  

For this reason, my hope for myself is centered on the person and character of Jesus.  Nothing more, nothing less.

Hebrews 11:3

Hebrews 11:3.  "By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that were visible."

Have you ever read Hebrews 11?  If it has been a while, read it for encouragement.  I realized last night why I love the old testament.  It is based on faith.  Faith is defined in the beginning of Hebrews 11.  "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."  Jesus remarked on faith may times, to the centurion he said that he had not seen such faith in all of Israel, but to his own disciples he made a remark "oh you of little faith".  Faith is the cornerstone of understanding God's wisdom and power.  Jesus said in Matthew 17:20   "...for truly I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, Move from here to there, and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you."

"Nothing will be impossible for you."  Nothing.  For me, cancer is not impossible and I do not fear it as being impossible, but the fact is... it is a mountain. To pray for healing is not just wishful thinking.  God created the universe out of what was not seen and in this very fact, we know that we do not have to see something to know it exists. 

Thank you Lord for healing me.  

Luke 7:2-10

Luke 7:2-10,   "Now a centurion had a servant who was sick and at the point of death, who was highly valued by him.  When the centurion heard about Jesus, he sent to him elders of the Jews, asking him to come and heal his servant....and Jesus went with them.  When he was not far from the house , the centurion sent friends, saying to him, "Lord, do not trouble yourself, for I am not worthy to have you come under my roof......but say the word, and let my servant be healed.....When Jesus heard these things, he marveled at him, and turning to the crowd that followed him said, "I tell you, not even in Israel  have I found such faith."  And when those who had been sent returned to the house, they found the servant well."

There were may times in the new testament when Jesus healed the sick, he never passed by anyone who asked for his hand to heal, and in this story he responded by going to the house of the centurion.  He did not go all the way because the centurion said, through friends, that Jesus needed only to say the words and he knew his servant would be healed.  Jesus responded by immediately healing the servant.  This is the same Jesus that loves to heal us today.  When we ask, do we really believe?  We please him when we trust, by faith, that he will do good for us.

I had my oncology appointment with Dr. Parapati today.  It went well.  She said that the news about the surgery was not good because they  had hoped the surgery would bring me healing.  Since the cancer has spread she said that it cannot be cured but more chemo can hopefully keep in in control.  At least that is what they are thinking now.  I will not start chemo right away because I need time to heal from surgery as well as they want to see what will happen.  This approach concerned me because my thoughts were why not start chemo and not wait until it grows more.  From their viewpoint, chemo should be reserved for when it is necessary so that I do not build up any immunity to drugs that work for me now.  So, we wait another 6 to 8 weeks and repeat the CAT scan and go from there.

I feel good about this visit.  I am also regaining strength each day as well as having regained my faith that God has all this in control.  I feel your prayers and I want you to know how much this means to me.  The reason I chose the verse about faith in healing is that I feel the strength of the Lord in me and I trust him to heal me.  I am praying that the CAT scan will show no cancer in the weeks to come.  Again and again, I am reminded that God performs miracles.  I choose to believe that God's hand has/will touch me and heal me and this is why I tell him daily...."Lord, thank you for healing me."

Ephesians 3:14-21

Ephesians 3:14-21.  "for this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ my dwell in your hearts through faith-that you, being rooted and grounded in love, my have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

(And now comes the benediction) Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen."

My bible has titled the above verses PRAYER FOR SPIRITUAL STRENGTH.  Paul is writing this letter to the Ephesians as he himself is going through one of his many trials.  Paul always gives God all the glory, knowing the grace that was extended to him from above. He is telling those who belong to Christ that we have God's strength inside us in the form of the Holy Spirit, and that this power will strengthen our Spirit so that we can comprehend the full depth of Gods love for us. I love the benediction.  I can imagine Paul talking to the early Christians, extending a blessing as he holds his hand out over the people, and praying over them, as God surely does today, reminding us that He is able to do far more abundantly than anything we can ask or think, according to the power that lives within us. I love the ending...in Christ Jesus throughout all generations....forever and ever.  Amen.  No commas.  This is done. Period.  Forever and ever.

I have avoided writing in my blog this week, because I have had a few things to think through. It has been tough to face a situation that I thought was almost over and to find out it did not go as planned.  At least not planned by me. Guess I like to be in control more that I realized.  I know that I have given God all the glory, but I don't think I have given him my life.  I realize that I have been trying to hold on tight to something that is not mine in the first place. My life belongs to my Saviour who gave his life for mine.  That is what the cross is all about and this is the quiet voice of reminder that I have been listening to all week.  

I have been talking to friends and being reassured that I have not been unfaithful.  This is the last thing that I would want to happen.  I am not saying that I feel God is requiring my life in the near future but that I want to be ready when He does.  

It is amazing the prayer support that I have.  Thank you one and all.  May God richly bless you for your prayers and petitions.

 

Psalm 121

Psalm 121. "I lift up my eyes to the hills.  From where does my help come?  My help comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved: he who keeps you will not slumber nor sleep.  The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand.  The sun will not strike you by day not the moon by night.  The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life.  The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore."

The Lord is my keeper, he keeps me in all circumstances, good or bad.    Yes, I was disappointed about the results yesterday, ,but after speaking to the doctors I can see their wisdom.  I was told that all tumors could not be removed without some potential problems.  Dr Heppell said that this type of cancer is not curable but is treatable.  He also added that there could be a miracle.  This is what I believe.  I am in God's hands now, it is his choice.  Sometimes he heals, sometimes he increases our faith, either way he will keep my life.

I will have chemo as soon as I heal.  I have been blessed with easy chemo before and I can only believe that this will happen again.

Thank you for your prayers and support.  I am blessed.

Post-op

Hello Everyone,

This is Gwen's son Jeremiah.  My mom is out of surgery and in her room and is doing fine.  Im afraid to say that the doctors decided to not remove the tumors inside her.  One of the tumors has spread and removing it would cause more harm than good.  This is difficult news to hear and that is all we know so far.  The doctor will be up shortly to explain everything better.  I would like to ask that everyone would continue to pray for Gods provision in this situation.  I know that my mom would appreciate your prayers for her continued faith, hope and joy through this.

As is my mom's tradition I want to include a verse that is appropriate to the post.

Philippians 4:6-7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Matthew 6:34

Matthew 6:34.  "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.   Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

My surgery is tomorrow, or today if you are reading this on Tuesday.  This is the day I have been waiting for, the day that I have been thanking the Lord for since December.  This is the path for healing that has been chosen for me.  The Lord's Prayer in Matthew 6:10 says, "Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven."  His will....  that is what this is all about.  It is not for me to question him, just accept that he is in control.  I have no doubt that there will be 5 surgeons in the operating room, the 4 that has been appointed to operate on me, and the 5th is the Lord, who is the ultimate healer and physician. 

I have done everything that has been asked of me, beginning with chemo.  I have not skipped one doctors appointment or lab schedule. I have had all the scans and radiation.  I have completed all the shots and the cleanse for surgery.  I am ready, packed for the hospital, and finally writing this blog just to let you know that I am well.  There is a wonderful hymn that says..."It is well with my soul."  That is what peace is...being well with my circumstances.

I thank you for your prayers and look forward to writing again soon.  I have asked Beau to write for me during surgery and afterwards, but I will be back as soon as I am able.

Romans 8:31-32

Romans 8:31-32.  ".....If God is for us, who can be against us?  He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?" Verse 35:"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?  Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine or nakedness, or danger or sword?...."

I met with my surgeon, Dr Heppell, again today.  Once again, he went over what to expect.  He is preparing me for the idea that I may loose my right kidney as a result of the location of the tumor.  The surgeons agree that loosing the kidney would be better than having a urthera that was scarred or damaged.  I am blessed to have a very healthy left kidney and the more I talk to other people about having one kidney, the more assured I feel. I was told that my surgery would start first thing the morning of July 29.  I will need to report to the hospital at 5:30 am and surgery at 7:30 am.  This will be a long surgery.  Maybe 7 hours or longer.  In Dr. Heppells words, "we will take as long as it needs and not be in a hurry".

In preparation for surgery, I will need to stop taking my blood thinning medication 5 days before and then start giving myself shots twice daily that will take the place of the coumadin. Ouch!!! I have a class on the 21st, so that I can learn how to give myself a shot.  That makes me feel weak at the knees.  Surgery...fine....shots...bad!!!!  Dr Heppel joked today that I would not make a good drug addict.  He could not be more correct!!

Many of you are asking how to pray for me.  Please cover me with your prayers. Pray as you are lead to pray.  Even though I am not frightened about the surgery, I know that Satan will do everything in his power to cause me to doubt.  I want to give God all the glory and  to run with endurance the race that is set before me. (Hebrews 12:1)

Incorrect date

The following was posted on July 11, 2008

Psalm 41:3

Psalm 41:3  "The Lord sustains him on his sickbed; in his illness you restore him to full health."

I now have a date for surgery.  July 29.  I met with my surgeons on Thursday, all 3 of them:

Dr Heppell - colorectal surgeon

Dr. Andrews - urology surgeon

Dr. Fowl - vascular surgeon

plus Dr. Callister - radiology

Each doctor has reviewed my scans and they have a plan for my surgery.  They agreed that the location of my tumors makes the operation very sensitive, and only when they can view with the eye will they know how difficult or easy it will be.  The tumor that is active has grown near or maybe attached itself to the wall of the urthera.  If it has attached and has grown inside the urthera it may be impossible to section out the affected area and put it back together. The reason this is important is that the urthera connects the bladder to the kidney.  If they cannot save the urthera then they will have to remove the right kidney. This is the absolute worst that can happen.  But the good news is that I have a very healthy left kidney and that I can live a very active life with only one.  Another factor is that this tumor is very small, so this could be in my favor. 

I am so blessed to have such wonderful doctors!  I was not aware until yesterday how blessed I am to have this team.  In preparation for surgery, I had several appointments starting with the financial office. She asked me who my surgeon was and when I told her Dr Heppell she said, "my goodness, he is wonderful", and then she said there was a recent article published about him, then she proceeded to look it up.  As it turns out, he was just named Vice-President for the American Society of Colon and Rectal Surgeons and he is also Professor of Surgery at Mayo. (Not bad for someone I did not like at first who I nicknamed the Bad News Bear.....what do I know?)  Not only that, but she went on to say the other 2 doctors were also Mayo's best. Then she laughingly said, "What are you, some kind of VIP?" All I can say is that God is in the picture and all the glory goes to Him. 

This may sound odd, but I cannot wait until I have surgery.  Please pray that I keep this attitude and that doubt does not creep into my thoughts.  Also, pray for my family that they know without a doubt that this is God's will for me and that He is in complete control of my life. Thank you for praying for me and thank you Lord for healing me!!!!

Psalm 20:1-4

Psalm 20:1-4.  "May the Lord answer you in the day of trouble!  May the name of the God of Jacob protect you!  May he send you help from the sanctuary and give you support from Zion!  May he remember all  your offerings and regard with favor your burnt sacrifices!  May he grant you your heart's desire and fulfill all your plans!"

I just got home from Mayo after seeing Dr Callister and Dr Parapati.  It has taken me time to digest the results of the scans.  At first, I was disappointed because one of the tumors is still active and is the one closest to the urethra.  But is it small, the size of a marble, and even tho it has increased slightly in size it has decreased in intensity.  What ever that means.  As you know, I was only thinking the best..no active tumors.  However, the largest tumor is not active and has died. Hurrah! Both doctors agree that surgery can be successful and that I can become cancer free with this surgery.  So, what am I thinking?  I am blessed because my cancer has not spread to any other part of my body, I am blessed that the largest tumor has died, I am blessed that surgery and radiation will remove this cancer, and I am blessed that the area on my lungs does not show cancer.  I have always known that I would have surgery.  So, nothing has changed, we are still on tract.

Of course, there is risk with any surgery, which I will not go into now.  I will hear enough of this when I see my surgeon, better known as the "Bad News Bear."  Yes, looks like I will have him after all.  He may be the best, so I will just have to get used to the idea!

Thank you for your prayers!  I love all of you and thank the Lord that he has given me such wonderful friends and family!!

Romans 8:27-28

Romans 8:27-28. "......the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.  And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose".

All things work together for good.  Even cancer.  I thank God for this cancer because this is the journey He has allowed for me at this time in my life.  I have learned to trust Him and to encourage and be encouraged by other people.  Paul writes in the beginning of Romans 1:11-12 "For I long to see you, that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to strengthen you-that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith, both yours and mine." I am so blessed when I see someone that I don't see often and they say to me that they have been praying for me.  This happened yesterday and I would not have had any idea that this precious person was praying for "me", but she is and there are so many more like her.  Prayer is God's gift to us.  We must always take the time to pray for others in need.  Who knows, someday we may need prayer ourselves and we will understand how important this gift really is!!  Thank you for your prayers!!!

I have my CAT scan tomorrow at 12:30, the PET Scan on Wednesday, and I see my oncology doctors on Thursday to find out the results and discuss time-line for surgery.  I have a simple prayer and that is I want to hear the doctors tell me that the scans could not look better, and that the surgery should not be complicated.  Hopefully that is not too much to ask since I have been thanking God from the beginning for healing me.

I Corinthians 7:17

I Corinthians 7:17.  "...let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him."

I thank the Lord for the life He has given me, especially the cancer.  I can only take the view that it has strengthened me in my faith and deepened my relationship with Him.  I know without a doubt that I am not alone in this journey, and that I am loved more than I can ever imagine.  As I write this, I feel Him with me now.  Praise God!  He gets all the glory!

I had a follow-up appointment this week with Dr Deleeuw, the oral surgeon.  The lump turned out to be a benign mucus-filled cyst consistent with mucocele.  In other words, I bit my cheek and it became infected.  Who knew this could happen!

I am scheduled to have the cat scan on Monday June 23 and the pet scan on Wednesday June 25.  Then I see the radiology oncologist, Dr Callister and the oncologist Dr Parapatti on Thursday.  Get this!  I wrote a few months back that I had met with the surgeon, Dr Heppell and did not like him AT ALL , but that he did come highly recommended.  Guess who is on vacation the month of July?  Is this God's timing or better yet, his sense of humor!  I had a feeling that he was not the best doctor for me but I also wanted to go with my oncologists viewpoint. I don't think that my surgery will wait on him.  Interesting!  Guess my comment to him that he was a "bad news bear" was rather funny after all!  Also, I would guess that he has never been called this to his face by a patient in his life!

I ask your prayers for these scans.  My surgery depends of the outcome of what the scans show. I pray that the scans will show the tumors have shrunk considerably and that it will be a routine surgery to remove all traces of the tumors and that the radiation will forever remove cancer from my body. I also pray that there is nothing new and that the tiny shadow on my lung has not gotten larger but is actually nothing. I have been thanking the Lord for healing me. I look forward to hearing the good news!

1Corinthians 1:3

1 Cornithians 1:3. "Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ."

God's grace is perfect and not only gives us peace that we feel inside but peace on the outside for others to see. Even though I was not enjoying the thought of oral surgery, it was much easier than I had anticipated. It was much like going to the dentist, the area was deadened and after a few minutes, surgery began. It did not take long, maybe 10 minutes, and then the doctor put in 4 stitches. There never was pain involved, just slight discomfort. I have a bruse on my left cheek, much like I have been in a fight, but other than that, no pain.

I have an appointment tomorrow with Dr Parpati and I hope to find out more about the scans.

Proverbs 1:33

Proverbs 1:33. "but whoever listens to me will dwell secure and will be at ease, without dread of disaster.

I have an appointment today with the oral surgeon to have the lump in my mouth removed. As you can imagine, I am not looking forward to this procedure, but I know that it is necessary and part of the plan God has for my health. Once again, I can trust that I am not alone and that He is with me. The hope is that this lump is nothing more than a lump and of no concern to my health.

I have received phone calls and text messages with your support, and I want you to know how much I appreciate the loving messages that I have received. Not only do I have the Lord watching over me, but I have all of you. What more could I want?

I have an appointment with Dr Parapati this Friday. I hope she will let me know when my cat scan and petscan is scheduled. As far as I know now, surgery should be sometime in July. I am feeling good but I do require a nap most days because I am very tired. But I have the afternoons off and this is working out very well for me.

2 Corinhians 4:16-18

2 Corinthians 4:16-18. "Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, bit the things that are unseen are eternal."

The things that are unseen are eternal. Our salvation is unseen but very real. The relationship we have with our eternal Father cannot be seen, but one day he promises we will be with him face to face. Even though I have not seen the Lord with my eyes, I feel him in my inner being, I feel His spirit inside me. When I ask for comfort in a difficult time, He is with me.

This has been very real for me lately. Just last week I met with the oral surgeon about the lump in my cheek. The very first thing he said to me was, "You look good....you really look good....no, I mean it....you look good." Wow, this came from a doctor who sees sick people all day long, and all he needed to do was to look at me to know that I was fine. The chemo nurse was also in awe yesterday because I am taking both chemo and radiation and feeling good. Dr. Parapati (the oncology doctor) just smiles when she sees me. What is different about me? All I know is that I trust the Lord and He has given me an inner peace. Praise God!

Speaking of the oral surgeon, he will be removing the pesky lump in my cheek on June 2. He is concerned with my past history of cancer and does not want to wait to see what happens. The surgery will be done in his office. He will deaden the cheek and remove the lump with me awake. I am not sure this is a good thing with me being awake, so I need your prayers for calmness. I will probably have a sore cheek for a few days. Also prayers that this is not malignant.

Yesterday was my last chemo. Strangely enough the lab had a problem with blood flow earlier in the day and the chemo nurse could not get the needle in place and needed someone else to help her. After that all went well but I know that I did not ask for prayer for that day. I must always ask and not assume that everything will go my way!! But I did get a certificate of completion from the staff of nurses who came over to where I was and clapped and shouted for joy. It is a celebration when you know you have made it this far. Those nurses are great. All of them are dedicated and loving people. What a blessing they have been to me! Friday is my last day of radiation. I go in at 7:30 am and back at 2:15 pm and then I am done. All I need is 6 hours between treatment and this was suggested so that I did not need to come back just for one treatment the next week. Radiology celebrates with a big bell mounted to the wall, like a fire bell, and when you complete your last treatment, you get to ring the bell!!!! I was told that one guy almost pulled the thing off the wall when he rang it because he was so glad that it was over. Don't think I will do that, but I will ring the bell and be glad for it.

This journey is winding down. I will have a scan in about a month and then the doctors will decide when I will have surgery. I cannot wait for all this to be over. I have become weary at times but I know that this is all a process and that it fine with me because I have the assurance that this is all for my healing. Bring it on!!

2 Corninthians 1:3-4

2 Corinthians 1:3-4. "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."

No matter what I go through in this life, God will comfort me, and use this so that I can comfort someone else going through tough times. He has given me a voice for anyone who experiences cancer. Who better to offer encouragement than someone that has gone through the same thing? I pray that God will use me in someone else's life. I would consider it a great honor.

I have not written anything for over a week. With me, not writing can be a good thing, this means that I have been doing good. I had chemo this past Monday.....only one more to go...which is next Monday. My last radiation is Friday May 23. I asked for Sandy for my lab work, and she was wonderful....again...how amazing that something that I dread is made easy when you have someone to trust and who cares that you are well taken care of.

I saw Dr Parapati on Friday, and my blood work looks good. I told her about the lump in my mouth and she said that she was not concerned that it was cancer but she wanted me to get an oral surgeon to check it out. I had the appointment today and he is scheduling me for an office visit so he can remove the lump. He believes it is not a tumor but also said that with my history it is a concern. Not sure when this will be, but I know that I need to finish chemo first.

Last week I mentioned a man that was having a difficult time with radiaton. Last week it didn't look very good for him, but his wife told me yesterday that the tumor is shrinking and that he is being scheduled for chemo...which was not an option last week. They are strong Christians and have many people praying for him. His name is Doug and her name is Linda. I know they would be very grateful for your prayers , also.

I hope each of you are doing well....always share your needs so that others can pray for you. I thank God for each of you who encourage me greatly with all your prayers.

Psalm 18:6

Psalm 18:6. "In my distress I called upon the Lord; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears."

How many times have you heard this.....the Lord is so good....he understands our weakness and gives us what we need to get us through our situations. I prayed for relief yesterday for the lab work and chemo because of the needle that gave me great pain last week. God answered my prayers by sending a sweet nurse by the name of Sandy who understood my concern and was able to even use the vein in my left hand to draw blood for the lab work...and it did not hurt. She even told me to ask for her the next two weeks. She used a small needle, which the chemo nurse cannot use so this left my right arm available for chemo, which went very well.

I am half-way through my treatments. I have noticed that the chemo is again causing a dryness to my skin that results in cracks on my hands. Lotion does not seem to help much. I also have a redness on my eyelids that seems like a reaction to makeup but is probably part of the rash. This is so small compared to how bad it really could be. I met a man yesterday who was in great pain due to his cancer and is waiting for chemo. I have so much to be thankful for and nothing to regret.

Thank you for all your prayers.

Psalm 118:6

Psalm 118:6 "The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me?"

I have radiation and chemo today and I will admit that I am dreading chemo because of last week. I had a new nurse that did not get the needle in the first time so they used a vein near my wrist that really hurt going in....I must have labs on the day that I get chemo and they cannot use the same spot because of what they term a "blow out".. I think what that means is that the vein has not repaired itself from just being stuck and still has a hole. I do not have a vein on the left arm that can be used because they say it is too deep. Please pray that the left arm can be used or that I will be able to take the needle near my wrist. Such a small thing to happen because I do not mind the chemo.....just the needle.

Thank you for your prayers. This is the third week, just two more to go after this week.

Psalm 34:15

Psalm 34:15. "The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous and his ears toward their cry."

It is comforting to know that the Lord is always with us, in all times, in good and bad. He hears us cry for help and sends us what we need to get through.

My chemo went well on Monday even though it was a bit difficult at first. I have labs before chemo and this results in the nurse having to use another vein instead of the one that I like her to use. It really hurts when they use the one closest to my hand, the nurse says that there is not much fat on the wrist. ( I said to her that this is the only spot on my body that is not fat!!) I almost fainted for the first time ever... when the needle went in. I will try to have the nurse in the lab use another vein next week so that chemo will go better.

I am noticing that after I have radiation that my side aches, I am taking this to mean that this is good. I am feeling really good, otherwise.

Thank you for all your prayers and support.

Psalm 119:105

Psalm 119:105. "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path."

The battles that we go through in life can be a dark time, but God's word is a light to our path. We learn to walk by faith and to trust that His words are truth and apply to us in all situations. The more we trust, the more we see the light at the end of the tunnel. It is not really dark after all.

This week has gone really well. I have been to Mayo every day for radiation treatments. It is not hard, and takes minutes. The machine is set to radiate from 4 different positions, and is on for only seconds. I am in and out in no time at all. One of the biggest side effects can be fatigue, so far...none. I have chemo on Mondays and I do not anticipate having any problems. Again, this is hard to believe because I have asked if this chemo is easy to tolerate and I have been told that most people do not tolerate it well. All I know is that I thank God each time I have a procedure done, whether chemo or radiation, and He protects me and gives me great hope. What more can I ask?

Thank you for your prayers!!!!

Ephesians 6:10-12

Ephesians 6:10-12. "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spritual forces of evil in the heavenly places."

Yesterday reminded me that I have let my guard down against spiritual forces that would love me to loose my faith. When this happens, it actually makes me stronger. Yes, I can get down and feel overwhelmed but this happens when I try to do it with my strength, but when I rely on the strength of the Lord, I know that He stands in front of me and becomes my armor. The above verse goes on to say that we are to put on the brestplate of righteousness, the shoes of the gospel of peace, the helment of salvation, and we carry the shield of faith, which is the word of God, and the sword of the Spirit. This is why we are to read God's word, and put it to memory, so that when trouble comes...and it will....we have the whold armor of God to withstand all the schemes of the devil. My former pastor said many times that this was the most misunderstood verse in the bible. People that do not know the Lord would think that this is a cosmic type of Star Wars, not realizing that this is the truth. Satan is real and should be taken as such, but God is much bigger and has all of this figured out. We must keep the end in mind, knowing that Jesus will return and Satan will be defeated, but knowing the end, we know that this has already happened.

My chemo went very good yesterday. I have no nausea which is likely to happen, but I have been spared this in the past, and hopefully in the future. I start radiation for real today.
The doctors visit went really good as well. I told her about the surgeon and the fact that I was not pleased with him. She said that she would speak to the head of chemo to ask what we can do. She was not overly concerned about the lump in my cheek because there are no lypmh nodes in the cheek, but she will find out what we can do if it does not change. The small spot on the CAT scan will be used as a marker for the next scan. They can track it and will look for any changes next time.

Thank you for your prayer support.

A note for the following blog

As I reread my blog posting for today, I need to make a note because part of my sentence was deleted in the paragraph about my surgeon.  I met with  him last week and I do not care for him at all, but as I have said, he is probably brilliant, but has zero compassion.  Anyway, I hope this will make sense as you read my blog.

I Peter 5:6-9

I Peter 5:6-9.  "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.  Be sober-minded; be watchful.  Your adversary the devil prowls around seeking someone to devour.  Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world."

I need your prayers today.  I was beginning to feel spiritually weak today until I reached out to my sister, who reminded me that I am almost at the end of my final journey to health that the Lord assured me would come.  I stopped doing the things that kept me spiritually strong.  I stopped asking for prayer and was not praying for myself.   I have allowed  doubt to come into my thoughts.  I have also become weary of the doctors appointments and the waiting As I have said to others, he is probably brilliant, but on our meeting the first thing out his mouth was,  "Are you aware that you could loose a kidney as a result of this operation?"  Then he went on to a laundry list of bad things that COULD happen.  I don't want someone like him talking to my family or to me if something should happen.....maybe he is wonderful, but I am asking for another surgeon and will only keep him if the comes highly recommended.  This was probably the beginning of my doubt, but all the other doctors have been encouraging, I need my surgeon to also be the same. I meet with a counter-part to Dr Parapatti today and will ask her what we can do about this.

Today is the beginning of the road to surgery that started with a "dry run" of my radiology appointment.  I start tomorrow with the real thing that will last daily (monday-friday) for 5 weeks.  I also start chemo today, appointment is at 4:30, which will be once a week, I think for 5 weeks also.

Another doubt for my health is a lump in my mouth which I noticed a few days ago.  Maybe I bit my inner cheek, but when you have cancer, everything is a worry.  I also was told that I have a very very small spot on my lung which could be nothing as well.  I have a lot of questions for the doctor today but the most important thing that I can request of anyone reading this blog is to pray for me.  

The devil is absolutely looking for someone to devour, but he cannot touch those who are lifted up in prayer, so I need your prayers, and thank you for standing in the gap for me.

Deuteronomy 7:9

Deuteronomy 7:9. "Know therefore that the Lord your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations,"

Have you ever wondered who prayed for you before you were born, or who was faithful generations before you were born? I pray for my children's children, even though they have not been born, although Britt (Benjamin and Dierdre's new baby will be born in August) has not been born, I pray for him. God is faithful to the generations that come after us. I feel so blessed to know this, and feel that I am living a wonderful life because of my faithful ansestors.

I met with my new cardiologist yesterday, Dr Farouk Mookadam, whose speciality is the fluid around the heart. He wants to see another heart echo, so I have an appointment today for this procedure, and he also wants to see the CAT scan that was done on me prior to my surgery last January. The reason for this is to determine why I have this condition, and if I am allergic to the chemo drug, 5FU, that has been blamed for my stroke. Dr Mookadam is not certain that this was the case. Interesting.

I am also meeting today with the surgeon, and I am hoping he will provide me with a date for surgery, my guess is somewhere around the first few weeks in June.

Numbers 6:24-26

Numbers 6:24-26.  "The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace."

What a beautiful blessing!  I rarely read Numbers because it is hard to read, by that I mean all the details of the sacrifices in the temple and the old rules that Israel followed.  Now, we have Jesus and we no longer need to burn a sacrifice for our sins.  Jesus was our sacrifice on the cross.  This blessing still applies because the Lord does bless us and keep us, and he delights in us.  Most of us find it difficult to believe that the Lord of all the universe wants a personal relationship with us. But he does, our part is to believe.

I feel good after my surgery.  I was a bit tired today but I have been getting to bed late.  If only I could put my book down at a reasonable time and not continue reading well past the time that I know I should.  

I have several appointments next week.  One with the surgeon and the other with a new cardiologist whose speciality is the fluid around the heart.  To date, no one has been able to figure out why I have this condition.  I was glad to know that the CAT scan showed that the fluid had decreased.  If it had not, then I was possibly looking at having it drained.  A needle near the heart is not something that I want to have done to me.  I am hoping that this doctor does not give me the bad news that this will need to be done.  I think that I will start radiation treatments on April 21 and I was told that my chemo will begin before that.  That would mean that chemo starts next week, but I have not been scheduled so far.

I have a few days of vacation scheduled for April 18-19.  I hope that I can keep these days and start fresh the next week.

Psalm 121

Psalm 121.  "I lift my eyes to the hills.  From where does my help come?  My help comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth.  He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber.  Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.  The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand.  The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.  The Lord will keep your from all evil; he will keep  your life.  The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore."

My stint replacement went very well.  I was in surgery for less than 45 minutes, but I was at the hospital for over 4 hours.  The hardest part was not having any water from midnight until I was in recovery.  Thank you for your prayers because I was very calm and not at all anxious.  I had a feeling of mild cramps after surgery and have taken a few pain pills but I am not in pain.  I am having a burning sensation when I urinate and some bleeding but this is normal.

I have an appointment tomorrow with radiology and they will mark me for my radiation treatments so that when I start the machine will be set with my measurements.  I will meet with the nurse who will schedule my appointments.  

I look forward to each doctors appointment because each one gets me closer to the goal of being finished.  As the psalm says, my help comes from the Lord who will not let your foot be moved.  He will keep your life.  What more can you ask for?

Jeremiah 29:11-13

Jeremiah 29:11-13. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart."

Throughout the old and new testament, God says to seek him...to ask. He is not hard to find if you seek him with all your heart. He wants us to ask. He wants us to have a personal relationship with him. I could not imagine life without this promise.

I have an appointment today with Dr Callister who is my radiation oncology doctor. He will discuss with me the plan for the next phase of radiation and chemo before I have surgery. When I first met with him, he said that I would have daily radiation, Monday thru Friday, for 5 weeks. I will find out if this is still the plan or if the Cat Scan shows I can have less radiation.

I am scheduled tomorrow for the stint replacement. This will be done as an outpatient. I will find out the time for the procedure today. I was told to plan on being there for 4-5 hours. This is a routine procedure but still has some risk due to me having to be under anestesia. Please pray that I do well, and do not have any complications.

Matthew 7:7-8

Matthew 7:7-8. "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened."

2.9.....what is this? 2.9 is my tumor marker which means that I am in the normal range. Normal for anyone, much less someone with cancer. My Cat Scan was very good. It showed no new cancer plus my existing cancer has shrunk as was the prayer. I have had two small spots. One has shrunk considerably, the other one is still about the same size but my doctor feels assured that it is not active, and probably has no substance.

Praise God. Todays verse is one that I have gone to MANY times in the past, and will continue to go to in the future. God tells us to ASK and to believe that we have what we have asked for. I felt that God gave me my answer the first day of Chemo and yesterdays results was that confirmation.

I still have a way to go but I consider the next steps as necessary to prevent future recurrances. I will need the stint replacement, which I believe is next Thursday, April 3. I will be meeting with radiology next week, and will start daily treatments plus an additonal Chemo once a week during that time. After this I will have another Cat Scan, and then surgery to remove any leftover tumor and also radiation while in surgery.

Thank you for your prayers. God is great, not only when we get our answers but always.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18. "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."

I don't know why I have not written for such a long time, but maybe because I have been waiting. Waiting for today. My Cat Scan is today at 1:30 pm. I am looking forward to having it done, and also finding out the results tomorrow when I meet with Dr Parapati at 4:00pm.

Today's verse says to give thanks in all circumstances. Easy to read but harder to apply to our life unless we believe that God's will is perfect. Can we believe that His will is cancer? For me, yes, His will has been cancer. From the first day of this blog when God gave me a huge hug and told me that all this was for my healing I have not been afraid...at all. So, I am waiting anxiously for the results.

I have much to ask God for today. The scan will reveal if I need to have the excess fluid that has formed around my heart to be drained, it will reveal my tumor and the hope that it has shrunk away from the uthera so that radiation can be done, it will finally reveal if I need another stint replaced or if I can have this one removed. My hope in all this is that the tumor has indeed shrunk, no need for another stint and also no need for the fluid to be drained.

I need your prayer support and I thank you now for all that you have prayed for me.

Proverbs 3:21-24

3/11/08
Proverbs 3:21-24. "My son, do not lose sight of these-keep sound wisdom and discretion, and they will be life for your soul and adornment for your neck. Then you will walk on your way securely, and your foot will not stumble. If you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet."

Remember yesterday when I said just when you THINK you have things figured out, you don't.
Well, both appointments with my doctors yesterday produced more that I had thought they would. The Urologist wants to replace the stint which will be outpatient surgery. The doctor who put in in had told me that it would last for 6 months, this doctor tells me that that is much to long that he recommends 3-4 months, which is where I am now. I have had a small amount of blood in my urine for a few weeks now. This is not unusual but it has just started. I think he is correct, so I will need to have this done.

The Cardoiologist did a heart scan on me a month ago and repeated one last week. He was concerned about the fluid around my heart, which in the past month has increased. He went over several scenerios, all of which were not good, and then he called my Oncology doctor and another doctor who specializes in this condition. There is talk of draining the fluid with a needle to the area. Yes, a needle close to the heart!!! Or a biopsey of the area. The specialist was not as concerned about recurrance of cancer in this area, he thinks it could be just the way I am, but when my cat scan is done, they will look closely at what is going on.

I feel that I need the stent replaced, but I am holding back on the idea of the heart. Please pray that we get the correct answers. This could be linked to the chemo even though this is not one of the common or less common side effects. All I know is that I don't always follow the pattern that everyone else does.

Exodus 17:9-11

3/10/08
Exodus 17:9-11. "So Moses said to Joshua, "Choose for us men,and go out and fight with Amalek. Tomorrow I wil stand on the top of the hill with the staff of God in my hand." So Joshua did as Moses told him, and fought with Amalek, while Moses, Aaron, and Hur went up to the top of the hill. Whenever Moses held up his hand, Israel prevailed, and whenever he lowered his hand, Amelek prevailed."

The verse goes on the say that Moses became tired as anyone would who would have his hand lifted all day. Beside him was Aaron and Hur. They helped him by putting a stone under him so that he could sit, then they held his arms up for him. What a wonderful example of prayer partners. We need someone holding us up, staying the course with us. This verse says that as long as Moses held up his hand with the staff of God, than Israel won the battle, and when he lowered his hand, Amelek won.

I thank each of you for holding up my hand as I trust God to win this battle for me.
I have not become weary but the enemy will attack when we THINK we have the answers. I need the protection of prayer now as I am somewhat halfway through this battle.

I have some appointments today, one with a Urologist and the other with the Cardiologist. The uroligist because I may have a problem with the stent that is near my blatter, and the cardologist because we still do not have all the answers to why I have some fluid around my heart.

My chemo on Friday went well. This blog is getting long but I want to write next time about someone that was also getting chemo on Friday.

Have a wonderful week.

Isiah 40:31

3/7/08
Isiah 40:31. "they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

I love this verse from Isiah because we will become weary in this world, but God never does. He gives us His power and He increases our strength so that we can mount up with wings like eagles. Think about it. When we are in the mist of our problems, we can barely see light through the forest of trees. But if we consider that the eagle soars above the forest and looks down on it, we understand that God sees our problems from a different prospective. He sees a road that we cannot see or a refuge that we did not know is there. That is why we are told to "trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways ackowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6.

My last chemo treatment is today. I give God all the glory for my health. I feel good and I look forward to today not forgetting that he assured me that I would go through this trial just fine, that it was for my healing.

I John 5:4-5

3/3/08
I John 5:4-5. "For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world-our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?

Our faith overcomes the world. Faith is our assurance that God hears us and that whatever we experience in our life has his hand in it...that means everything! Some times this is difficult to comphrehend. But as our faith grows, and we see how God answers our prayers, we know that he hears us. This is when we have to stop struggling with our situations and just let Him take over. Easier said than done at times, but the reward is when we actually do this and we have His assurance.

I have been so blessed in this current trial of my health. I am doing very well with my chemo. I had a doctors appointment on Thursday of last week, and my tumor leval is dropping. It is now 5.6 which is a drop from January when it was 8.8. I have one more week of chemo then we wait a few weeks and I will have another cat scan. My doctor expects good news. We are looking for the tumor to shrink away from the area that it was attaching to so that surgery can be done. I will also need to have radiation on the area for about 5 weeks before surgery. I undestand why Mayo goes the extra mile, and I appreciate the care that is being given to me. I am having a very good experience in the mist of something that could be very scary. God's hand is surely on me!

Psalm 106:1

2/28/08
Psalm 106:1. "Praise the Lord! Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever!"

There are never enough words to praise the Lord. How can we ever understand his love for us? When we cry out, he is there. Even when we do not have the words, he prays for us. David certainly understood this, and the Psalms are there for our comfort because we have someone who has gone through so much and recorded his prayers to the Lord. The Psalms are my source of comfort.

I have a doctors appointment today. I am looking forward to finding out my tumor level. I will let you know. I have chemo tomorrow. I feel so good, it is amazing to me that I am going thru Chemo and feel so good. Praise God!

Psalm 127:2

2/25/08
Psalm 1272. "It is vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep."

My infusion well well on Friday. It is amazing to me that my chemo is not causing me ill health. I feel comfortable the entire time I am there,and it has always taken at least 4 hours. I have had no nausia, and I asked if Benedryl would help me sleep at night, and I was told to take some...and I slept just fine, thank you very much!!! I also asked for some type of medication for my rash/acne and filled the perscription on Saturday. It is almost healed.

I have so much to be thankful for. God is so good to me. He answers all my prayers and gives me increadible peace. Thank you for your prayers, they lift me up, I know you are praying for me and I hope that each of you have prayer support as well. All you have to do is ask.

Romans 12:12

2/21/08
Romans 12:12. "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer."

I admit that I am not constant in prayer. I let my day to day activities get in the way of doing what I know that I should do. I talk to God daily, but I do not always pray as I should. This is why I need the prayers of others. I do not want to take for granted my circumstances or become accustomed to my situation.

I will have chemo tomorrow. I ask that it go well and that I do not have any side effects. I have noticed that I cannot sleep the first night after chemo, and I need to rest. My rash is getting out of hand, so I hope I can get relief with some type of medication.

Psalm 9:1-2

2/19/08
Psalm 9:1-2. "I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds. I will be glad and exult in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High."

I had a wonderful few days off. No chemo...no Mayo clinic...no doctors appointments. Health is something we take for granted until we have issues. I thank God for the wonderful health he has given me all my life. God uses all things, especially the hard things in our life so that we can comfort others going through the same thing. This is what Paul says in 2 Corinthians 1:3-5, "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our afflication, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."

What a great thing God does...he uses all our hurts, but we must be willing to share with others how he lifted us up in our darkest of times.

I have been reminded of this by many of you who have commented to me personally about my blog, and I give God all the credit for using my life experiences to speak to you. We do not need to have cancer to have these bible verses speak to our soul. I would love to hear from you. Please take the time to make comments. You may just bless the next reader in a way that will encourage them through a difficult time, and I know it will encourage me. Thank you for your prayers.

Proverbs 3:5-6

2/15/08
Proverbs 3:5-6. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on you own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths".

How many times in life do I think I know what is best for me, and then find out something totally different? The answer is obvious..... all the time. I have been saying that my prayer is that the tumor will totally shrink so that surgery is not necessary. I have found out that this may not be the best option for me. I had an appointment with the radiologist yesterday to discuss my treatment. He showed me the cat scan with the area of concern, and explained the process of radiation and surgery. He said that Mayo approaches cancer more agressively than most hospitals. They start with chemo, then radiation, then surgery combined with direct radiation to the area. After chemo, then I will have daily radiation for 5 weeks, then surgery about 3 weeks later. He said that this is the treatment no manner if the tumor completely shrinks or not. It is best if it shrinks, but it appears that my surgery last year left a cell or cells that grew in the same area. This form of treatment will do all possible to erase cancer from my body. I have a long road ahead of me but as Proverbs 3:6 says, "he will make straight your paths."

Psalm 100:1-2

2/14/08
Psalm 100:1-2. "Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth! Serve the Lord with gladness! Come into his presence with singing!"

I feel like singing today. I was told yesterday that I will be skipping my infusions tomorrow. My doctor is concernced about the stomach cramps that I have had the last few days and she does not want to complicate the situation. She told me last week that I would skip this week, then added the infusion for the tumor. I am glad that I will have the weekend plus a vacation day that I have planned for Monday.

Today is Valentines Day and another reason to celebrate God's love. I know that I will never comprehend how much he loves me, but his word says so,and he does not lie.

Psalm 103:1-5

2/13/08
Psalm 103:1-5. "Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all you iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."

I had an appointment with a cardiologist yesterday at Mayo. He reviewed my health record for the past year and the results of my recent echo. He said that my heart has returned to normal capacity, which is very good, but he cannot explain why I still have some fluid around the heart. He ordered some blood tests and will ask Dr Parapati to also focus on the heart when I have my next cat scan. I will have a follow-up visit in a few months with him.

I have been a bit uncomfortable the past few days with stomach cramps, and shall I admit it, diarrhea. It is definately the chemo doing it's wicked thing. I let the doctor know and they are watching my blood levels which can tell them is something is really wrong. I also have trouble sleeping, which is unusual for me. My rash/acne is coming along just fine. My nose is beginning to look like a tulip bulb. I may regret saying that I welcome the rash even though it is an indicator that the tumor infusion is working.

Psalm 146:1-2

2/11/08
Psalm 146:1-2. "Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord, O my soul! I will praise the Lord as long as I live; I will sing praises to my God while I have my being."

I am thankful for so many things. The Lord is my helper and he lifts my head when I am down. I cannot forget to praise him in the mist of my current situation. He enables me to look beyond my circumstances to the prefect end that he has already set in motion for me. It is real and exists in the future for me by my God who hears my prayers.

There is a perfect example of praise in Luke 17:11-19. Jesus was on his way to Jersalem, and as he entered a village, he was met by ten lepers and they all cried out to him for mercy. When he saw them, he said that they should go and show themselves to the priests...and a miracle occured...and it is recorded in this passage, "and as they went they were cleansed. Then one of them, when he saw that he was healed, turned back, praising God with a loud voice; and he fell on his face at Jesus' feet, giving him thanks. Then Jesus answered, were there not ten cleansed?Where are the nine? Was no one found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner? And he said to him, Rise and go your way; your faith has made you well."

This man turned back to give praise, he was the only one. We can all learn from this. When we see God's hand in our life, we need to show our thanks. I for one do not want to be seen as one of the nine that took God's healing for granted.

Thank you, Lord, for healing me!

Phil 4:13

2/8/08
Phil 4:13. "I can do all things through him who strengthens me."

Dr. Parapati and I were talking yesterday about my progress. She was very encouraged by my INR level ( I think I have that right) This is a blood test that measures the level of tumor activity in the body. She said that I am "trending down" from 8.8 to 5.5. (Thank you, Lord, for healing me). I have chemo today but will skip next week and then resume for 3 more weeks on Feb 22. A cat scan will be repeated the week of March 19th. It is not sure now if I will need to repeat this 7 week session of 3 weeks, 1 off, 3 weeks on.

Anyway, when she gave me my results, I said to her, "Dr Parapati, I have so many people praying for me, I know this has made a huge difference." She said that believing in a higher power has been known to help many people, and she has seen this in her practice many times. I told her that when I have chemo, I am relaxed and take a nap and just don't worry about what is going on. She had a slight look of amazement on her face. She must see so much fear and panic that my attitude is different. I hope that I have many opportunities to share my faith with her.

She also reconfirmed that the rash on my face is good!!!

Psalm 121

2/7/08
Psalm 121. "I lift my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, not the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. The Lord will keep your going in and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore."

I have always loved Psalm 121. My help comes from the Lord who is the maker of all things. He keeps me and watches over me every minute. He asks me to trust him. How could I not?

I had the appointment with the surgeon on Tuesday. He spoke with Dr Fitch in oncology and they agreed that after a few rounds of chemo, my scan would be repeated. I have another appointment with my oncology doctor today and I should know more about how long they intend to have me on chemo.

Good news..maybe....I have been told that the chemo drip that attacks the tumor can cause a rash on the face and some say this is the a good indicator that it is working. I'll ask the nurse when I go in for treatment tomorrow.

Thank you for your prayers. I feel good but need a daily nap. I need to excerise but can't seem to get beyond being tired. I am becoming aware of all the healthful changes I can make that can make a big difference in my life.

Psalm 119:105

2/5/08
Psalm 119:105. "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path".

I have an appointment today to see a surgeon for consultation for possible surgery. My prayer is that surgery is not necessary. Please pray that the tumor will completly go away and that only radation will be necessary. I trust the Lord in all things, but I love Matthew 7:7-8 which says, "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened ."

Hebrews 11:1, 11:6

2/4/08
Hebrews 11:1, 11:6. verse 1. "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. verse 6. "And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him."

This is one of my favorite verses. When I am unsure of my cirmstances or need comfort, God reminds me to dig deeper and know that he has given me faith to see the unseen, to trust that my prayers are heard and that he loves me more than I will ever know.

The infusion on Friday went well. My blood tests were good and the doctor gave the approval for the infusion. The nurses at Mayo are wonderful and the experience has been positive. It is very relaxing and the Benedryl that is given before the first chemo for any side effects makes me sleepy and I have been taking a nap for at least 2 hours or more. The time goes by quickly. I felt as good as possible this weekend, just a slight diziness, no nausia, but I did have touble sleeping. All in all, not a bad weekend.

Isaiah 41:10

2/1/08
Isaiah 41:10. "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I wil strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

What a comfort this verse is to me, that the Lord God says he is with me, and do not fear. That means do not fear anything. Period. I just wanted to say how much better I feel today. It has been 3 days since I took the last dose of Zeloda, and it must be out of my system because I feel really good. I go for my second infusion today. I will have a blood draw before they start it just to make sure I am doing fine, a blood test will tell if my white blood cells are up.

Thank you as always for your support.

I John 5:14-15

1/31/08

I John 5:14-15 "And this is the confidence that we have before him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us.  And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests we have asked of him."

I have stayed home from work the last 3 days due to a reaction to the Zeloda medication.  I was feeling a tightness in my chest, anxious thoughts, and shortness of breath.  My doctors have decided to remove me from this medication, and I have started feeling much better.  As you know, this medication is part of the plan to shrink the tumors.  I am safe to take the infusions, so I will be taking the second one on Friday.  Continue to pray that this will be sufficient, that there will be no more tumors when I have the scan.

Last night, I had to continue to turn all  my thoughts over to the Lord.  Finally, I got this short prayer to pray each time I felt doubt....."Thank you, Lord, for healing me".

That's it......thank him for the outcome even when you don't see now it will happen. 

I thank you always for your support and especially your prayers.

Phillippians 4:5-7

1/28/08
Phillippians 4:5-7. "The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

When you have chemo, the second or third day can be your worst. I felt good on Saturday but on Sunday started feeling symptons of fatigue and a queasy stomach. I had a slight pressure in my chest, which almost made me anxious when thinking of the heart spasm that I had last year which resulted in my stroke. Then I remembered what the Lord told me last week, that the chemo was for my good, to give me life. This was such a comfort to me, that I almost instantly felt a calmness and a feeling of well-being. Phil 4:5-7 is exactly what I experienced, we are told to not be anxious about anything, and let God's peace guard our hearts and minds.

Psalm 34

1/26/08

Psalm 34:4-10  "I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears.  Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.  The poor man cried, and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all his troubles.  The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them. Oh, taste and see the the Lord is good!  Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints for those who fear him have no lack!  The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing."

This is probably my most favorite Psalm.  I go to it when I feel troubled, and it has never let me down. How could it when God promises to deliver us out of all our afflictions, to be near us when we are brokenhearted, and hears our cry for help!

I felt all your prayers yesterday, and came through the infusions without a worry.  I was so relaxed I even fell asleep for awhile listening to my Ipod full of worship music.  It was rather lengthly for the first day.  My appointment was for 12:30 and they got me started about 12:45 with a drip that helps nausea, and then one with benedryl.  I had two separate drips.  One is called Cetuximab which attacks the tumor and shrinks it.  One of the side effects can be an acne-like rash that usually shows up on the face.  The nurse said that this side effect has been said by many people as an indicator that the drug is working.  I say, "bring on the rash!!" The second infusion is called Irinotecan which is the chemo drug.  I was on the one for 1 1/2 hours.   It went by quickly even though it was after 4:30 when I got through. The side effects can be numerious, but when I woke up this morning, I felt really good.  Throughout the day I have continued to feel good, only a slight feeling of nausea that went away when I ate.  I have to be good about drinking at least 8- 8oz of water each day and to have more protein than I might normally want.  The water is a way to flush the drugs from my body along with the dead cells, both good and bad, that chemo attacks.

Along with the chemo infusions which I will receive each week, I am taking the chemo drug Zeloda which I take by mouth twice a day for 14 days then off for 7 days and then repeat for 14 more days. This is the same drug that I was on last summer, but this time my dosage is higher. The side effects that I had was fatigue, diarrhea, and thinning of the hair.

 I can just see it now, I have this to look forward to:  A slightly balding woman with acne running like a sprinter to the bathroom.  Lordly, Lordly, help me!

My doctors name is Dr. Harshita Paripati, a sweet lady from India (I think). She is very gentle and a very caring person.  She is backed up by Dr Fitch who is head of oncology at the Scottsdale Mayo Clinic.  I like the way Mayo has a team of doctors who talk about your case and come to a collective conclusion as to how your care should progress. They call it, "taking it to the board."

Dr Paripati has me on a schedule of 6 weekly infusions plus the Zeloda, then I will be off any chemo for two weeks then a repeat of my scan.  During this time, she is looking for the tumor to detach itself from the wall of my uthera, which is close to the bladder.  In order for me to have surgery to remove the tumor, this has to happen.  She said the only way to rid myself of the tumor is to have the surgery.  Sometime during the next six weeks she will schedule an appointment with the surgeon and radiology.

Ok, so this is the doctors plan.  You all know that I believe God is my healer.  Even though the doctor wants the tumor to shrink, I am praying that the tumor disappears. I love the example in Daniel 3 when Shadrack, Meshach, and Abednego declared to those who were about the throw them into the fiery furnace, "our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O King. But if not, be it known to you O King that we will not serve your god. "  We know the story and that they were thrown into the furnace but came out alive, not even smelling of the fire, when those who threw them in were burnt up because of the intensity of the fire.  Why did I give this example, we all have a fiery furnace of sorts and the Lord will deliver us in his time and in his perfect way.  Even if they had died in the fire, their faith was in the one who gives life.  Oh, by the way, don't overlook the fact that those looking into the furnace from a safe distance, saw 4 men walking around in the furnace not 3, and the appearance of the fourth was like a son of the gods. God is with us, no matter the outcome, and he will be with me whether he chooses to do nothing, shrink the tumor for surgery, or totally remove it from my body.

Thanks be to God for his love and grace.