Thursday, November 4, 2010

Exodus 15:2

Exodus 15:2. "The Lord is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation."

I started on round 2 of chemo therapy yesterday and will have weekly chemo for 4 weeks. This last round was very successful. My tumor marker started out at 46.6 on Sept 16, then down to 28.9 on Oct 13 and finally down to 25 on Nov 2. I pray that this round will continue the trend of at least 4-5 points per session. God is so good and I give Him all the praise!!

It is true that He is my strength. I could not imagine not having His daily encouragement. He works not only through his word but through you. Thank you for your words of encouragement and for remembering to pray for me.

I am scheduled for another stint replacement on Dec 15. My test results a few weeks ago showed the stints are working perfectly and that my kidney is back to normal.

I started physical therapy this week to strengthen my leg muscles. I had a hard time when I had the tube in my side, so much so that my right leg ached with a burning sensation most of the time. Now that the tube is out, I am getting better each week but I still have times when my leg aches, so the therapy will surely help.

I am so thankful to have this time off from work to have time to heal. I have only praises for how this has worked out for me.

Thank you, Lord, for healing me.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Psalm 8:9-10

Psalm 8:9-10 "The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you."

I am so thankful to my Lord for being my stronghold. He is my strength. I have friends ask me all the time how I do it. How do I stand in the face of this oppression called cancer. Well, the answer is easy. It is not my strength but the Lord's. Isaiah 40:28-31 says it perfectly for me "....the Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. (Now pay attention...this is it!!!) He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."

I love the word picture of "mounting up with wings like eagles". Can you imagine what your problems would look like if you could soar above them like an eagle? What we see as big and insurmountable up close can actually look like a small piece of the puzzle from afar. All we need is a new perspective. We need the Lord because he is the one who renews our strength and then we can" run and not be weary and walk and not faint".

I feel like I have been running this past year . I have been working full time but beginning to having a hard time taking care of myself. Life got a little harder back in May when my right kidney became inflamed. About this time, my chemo dosage was strengthened when it was discovered that I was not getting a full dose. I have never had a problem with chemo that a few days rest would not cure, but this time was different. It really drained me and I lost my hair again. My body seemed to be in a lot of stress and not getting better. My stints were not draining and chemo was put on hold until my kidney started functioning better. I had a tube inserted in my side to drain the kidney. What should have been one month of the tube in my kidney turned into over 4 months. Just after the tube came out, I was in the emergency room on Labor Day weekend with severe pain in my right side. What I assumed to be the kidney acting up again turned out to be a blocked intestine from scar tissue that happened when I had surgery 4 years ago. I was in the hospital 4 days but back again 2 days later with the same problem. Surgery was considered but, thankfully, the intestine cleared again and I was told to eat soft foods for at least 10 days so the intestine could heal. For those of you who know I prefer a high-fiber- no sugar diet this was and continues to be hard. I have warning signs every so often that I need to be careful but at least I know what to do now. After the 2nd time returning home from the hospital, I became concerned that I needed more time to heal . I made an appointment with my oncologist, Dr Parapati and we again discussed chemo. She had wanted me to have chemo weekly but I had nixed that idea in May because it would have been difficult to miss one day of work a week for chemo then the possibility of not feeling good the other days. All this being said, we decided the best option for me would be to take FMLA leave and concentrate on getting well. This is what I am doing now. I am not working but am taking chemo every Wednesday. The schedule will have me taking chemo for 4 weeks then off 2 weeks. I have been told that the side-effects are cumulative and will increase each week. I already know that I am tired most of the time and I am never far away from taking a nap. I am not bored, and have so much to do. My newest grandson, Judah, was born on September 20 and is doing well. Britain is now 2 and such a joy!!! I feel blessed to have the time to take care of myself and look forward to a complete healing.

I want to thank each of you for your prayers. You are such a blessing to me.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Romans 8:27-28

Romans 8:27-28. "And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose."

All things work together for good. What a bold statement. Does pain work together for good? Does affliction work together for good? Does cancer work together for good? Yes, absolutely it does. Without coming to the end of our strength can we ever fully understand the strength of the Lord. His almighty strength is never ending and is new every morning. There is no other place I would rather be.
I was in extreme pain Thursday night, and was welcoming surgery if it would take away the pain. Funny thing, thought, surgery was the last thing that I had wanted last week, but I was now at the end of my endurance to this pain, so I welcomed the surgery. Funny thing happened on the way to preparing for surgery, the surgeon said that he would like to try a few days of resting my intestine to see if it would relax and repair itself. He said that upon review of the CT scan, there was concern that surgery for me would become a major surgery. You see, the intestinal scar is in the same area as my tumor and stints and also where a fistula has formed, which is a hole or tear near my right kidney (probably as as result of chemo). For me, this surgery could have a negative impact and cause more problems. I am thankful for a wise surgeon, I do not know if he is a Christian, but he did mention God in talking with me.
So, less that 12 hours after his decision not to do surgery, my intestine has unblocked. I have not seen the surgeon today and am not sure of the next steps in my recovery, but I think he said we would take things much slower this time. I am on intravenous fluids for nutrition which could last a few days, then a soft diet.
Thank you for your prayers. Our God is a Great an Merciful Father.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Psalm 103:1-4

Psalms 103:1-4 . Bless the LORD, O my soul; And all that is within me, bless His holy name! Bless the LORD, O my soul, And forget not all His benefits: Who forgives all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases, Who redeems your life from destruction, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies.

This has not turned out to be the Labor Day Weekend I had planned. I am in the Mayo hospital. I went to the emergency room last night because my right side was extremely tender and my stomach was hurting. I could not keep anything down. My concern was that I was having problems with my stints. But that was not the case. I was given a CAT scan and a blockage in my intestine was found. The doctors have since said that a blockage can be the result of scar tissue that forms after surgery. Even though my surgery was 3 1/2 years ago, it could be the cause of the problem. I have a tube down my nose/throat that is pulling out the contents of my stomach and intestine up to the blockage. The hope is that this will give the area relief and that the problem will correct itself and open up the intestine and in 24-48 hours I will be fine. Of course this is the prayer because if this does not happen, I will need surgery. I don't need to say why surgery is not an option in my book.

I appreciate all your prayers. The tube is very uncomfortable and it making my throat sore but it is the means to my healing. Please pray that the time will pass quickly and that I can leave the hospital as planned.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Psalm 146:5-7

Psalm 146:5-7. "Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God, who made heaven and earth, the sea, and all this is in them, who keeps faith forever, who executes justice for the oppressed, who gives food to the hungry."

It has been four months since I had the tube placed in my side to drain the right kidney. It has been a long, hard time and finally it is over. My kidney is draining and the tube was taken out today. Dr Humphrey's had to go back in last Thursday and do another stint replacement because the replacement done two weeks earlier did not help, the stints would not drain. He ordered in 8 different styles of stints and was prepared to try each one until he got it right. He had scheduled several hours for this procedure and was able to find one that worked much sooner that he had thought. He knew right away that this would work because he could see in the x-ray the stints were draining. I had to wait 3 days and then clamp the tube off to find out if it was indeed working and that I did not have any pain.
I cannot tell you how relieved I am. I usually don't complain about what I have to go through but this was different. My right leg ached all the time and even kept me awake at night. The catheter bag is bulky under clothes and very hot. With what I have been through, I have true compassion for anyone that has to wear any type of bag.
Thank you for your prayers.
God is so good!
Thank you, Lord, for healing me.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Hebrews 11:1 and 6

Hebrews 11:1 and 6. "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.......And without faith, it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God, must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him."

I use the English Standard Version of the Bible now and the above verse came from that translation, but one of my favorites is the Ryrie Study Bible which is the New America Standard. I love it because of the notes that explains the verses. The note on this verse says, "Faith gives reality and proof of things unseen, treating them as if they were already objects of sight rather than of hope." Faith sees before reality confirms. The only way to get to that assurance is to believe that God rewards those who trust in him. The reality is that man may think faith is foolish but God thinks it is precious, he knows that his children know the truth. But don't forget, so does Satan. He knows the truth and will do everything in his power to use deception and lies to attack our faith. Our shield to his lies is to take up the whole armor of God in Ephesians 6:10-17. We must pray daily for this protection.

I was reminded recently of praying daily for myself in Ephesians 6. What a difference it makes! Verse 16 says: "In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one." The truth is that in the battle of life, I am not alone, because verse 1 says: "..be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might."

We hear that cancer is a battle. Could it be that our battle could be defined in Ephesians 6? Verse 11-12: "Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

I remember many times that Pastor Darryl said Christians do not take Ephesians 6 seriously. He said that Satan attacks in two ways, either through affliction or deception. The book of Job is all about affliction, and too many Christians are deceived that our Lord could not love us because of our sins.

I have been afflicted through my health, and I believe that my God will deliver me just as he did for Job.

I need your prayers. My stints are not draining. I still have the catheter in my kidney. I had stint replacement two weeks ago and I will again have it done this coming Thursday Aug 12. Dr Humphreys does not know why my stints are not working. He believes they could be kinking once inserted and he is planning on trying another type. He has ordered different styles and will try combinations until he gets the results he wants. Pray for his wisdom during surgery.

I have not seen my oncologist, Dr Parapatti since my last chemo treatment. She wanted to wait until the kidney situation was solved, so I do not have an update.

My prayer has been and continues to be that she will say to me... "Gwen...it is gone. We do not know why, but you are clear." But I will know why and so will you.

Please continue to pray....I don't like the word battle...but that is exactly what it is.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Isaiah 40:31

Isaiah 40:31. "...but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."

This past 9 months since my last posting has not been easy. I have found myself discouraged more times that I would like to admit. I gradually stopped doing what I knew in my heart of hearts that I should do: Read my bible consistently, go to church, reach out to other believers, record my thoughts in my blog (I was without a computer until a few months ago but I could have found a way to write), I stopped my good diet and started back into my old ways, I stopped pretending to exercise...I just let myself go, but the Lord did not let me stay this way. He has once again rescued me, and is daily renewing my strength. You see, I never stopped praying, I never stopped my personal relationship with my Lord and Savior...I just...how do I say this...I stopped my urgency in my prayers and I think I was not honest. I felt disappointed. How do you tell the Lord that you are disappointed? Why would I think that He did not already know? I do not know why I continue to have this cancer when I know I have been promised healing. Healing in this life and body, not healing in Heaven. Just look at how David cried out to the Lord for deliverance. He wanted to know why God was taking so long, and where was He is time of need? Psalm 22:1-2. "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry day by day, but you do not answer, and by night, but I find no rest."

I have been honest with the Lord and He can take it. I have not lost my faith but instead feel like I am being led to another level. David knew that the Lord was in Heaven and in control of all things. The Lord answered David, and I trust He will answer me as well.

My last stint replacement a few months ago was not normal. Dr Humphreys said that "something" was pushing against the stints and causing them not to work. He put in a cathether for a month to relieve my right kidney. Tests showed that my right kidney was about 3 times the size of my left kidney, so he took out the foley cathether and put in a neuthropany tube which exits out of my right side, from my kidney, into a cathether bag. I am to wear this until June 17. Please pray that I can have this cathether taken out. It is causing me pain. Not at the site but on my right leg. It aches day and night and causes me to not sleep. I am trying not to take pain killers because I do not want to become addicted to them. It feels like a bad sunburn and is the best way for me to describe the pain. I thought that it might be the bag itself, maybe an allergic reaction to the latex, or the binding elastic straps that held it in place, so I purchased a holder that allows me to insert the bag into the pocket on the leg..but this has not helped either.

Dr Humphreys is not my oncologist, so he did not elaborate on what that "something" was that was causing the stints not to work. I knew what he meant...the tumor had grown. This was confirmed by Dr Parapati last week when she said that my tumor level was at 23.5. The highest that it had been before was 16.5. I have been getting two chemo drugs but I have been taken off one because it is has not helped and is very strong. I am now taking only one drug. I had chemo on Friday. My concern is that she told me that the list of drugs they can give me is getting short. This is the last one that is known to help colin cancer, but I could go on a clinical study. A clinical study is when they use drugs that have not proven effective for a certain cancer but they believe that it could help, more study is needed.

My prayers have intensified. I feel convinced that I must get on a strict diet. I need your prayer support. Please pray that my help comes quickly. Prayer that this cancer has a boundary and cannot go past that boundary, prayer that the tumor dies from the roots up. Prayer that cancer stops in my family with me.